Being Afraid Of Success Is A Very Real Feeling

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I’m days away from hitting 400,000 views.

I guess I should be excited and thrilled, but I’m actually stressed. Of course, my stress doesn’t entirely just stem from my website, I’m also stressed because of school. With finals and huge projects hanging in the balance until the semester’s done, things are getting really hectic. Its like I’m that famous statue and It feels like, I got the world on my shoulders. And you would think, reaching a new milestone would bring me some joy and ease my mind, but it hasn’t.

Coming clean, I’ve always been stressed with this site, this isn’t some shocking revelation that, I’ve just realized. If you’ve seriously divulged into my life talk section, you would know that, I’ve talked about losing interest, I’ve talked about self-doubt and my insecurities. I’ve always been stressed. And I’ve always been pretty vocal about it in my writing. I do this, because I know if I’m going through these things, someone, somewhere, is going through it too.

And honestly, It’s never been easy running this site. It’s always been isolating. And I know what you’re thinking, I’ve chosen to work alone, of course it’s isolating. And I know. I did chose to work alone and I love working alone, but everyday, I have this internal struggle of really wanting to work with other people, but always coming to the conclusion that I really shouldn’t.

Its like wanting something so badly, but knowing you really don’t need it. I mean, it would be incredible talking with someone or a group of people about SEO strategies, blog traffic, cool ways to manage content, finding creative ways to make better headlines, but it would just seem like a group project then.

And you know how group projects go, it’s always one or two sided. For me, It would be one sided in that, I would want to implement ideas that, I have that can help the site and hearing what other people have to say, but not really caring and just wanting to use my ideas. And I know that’s terrible, but that’s why, I like working alone. And look at what, I’ve achieved alone.

I’m days away from hitting 400,000 views. Over 190 different countries viewed, majority of my traffic is organic, all in less than 2 years. And the saddest thing is, this is what I’m stressed about. I’m stressed about the success of the site. For me, this is a weird kind of stress. This is the kind, I would never really think would be stress. When, I think about stress, I think about sleepless nights, over-thinking and the cliché, I’m bound to fail at some point. So, it’s weird for me, saying that, I’m afraid of being actually successful.

And this stress has really gotten to me, because this website is getting more and more serious. I mean, when the days finally go by, I’ll be writing about hitting 400,000 views and just before, I hit publish on the post, I’ll say next stop, 500,000 views. That’s a half a million views! And I’m terrified.

I’m terrified because I’m not the type of person who wants attention. I mean, I don’t really like when people talk to me in real life about my website. It’s just awkward. It’s weird. Maybe because this all doesn’t feel real to me and when people talk about it, I guess it becomes real.

With more traffic, the more people will, I guess start to realize, what I’ve known from the start that there’s a lot of potential in this site. People will want to talk and reach out to me, and talk to me more and more about the site and I really don’t want that. People will throw out ideas in how I can improve the site and tell me how they can help me, but I don’t need all of that. Unless its Drake messaging then, I’ll care, but most importantly, the more traffic, I get, the more responsibility I will have to handle.

Being honest, I know how I can make more money from this site, but I’m scared. I already know how I can make this website, design wise, look so much better, but I’m scared. I’m scared of change. I’m definitely, far from being content or comfortable with how things are, but I like the way things are looking right now, but I know, I have to start making some serious changes and this is seriously stressing me out.

In 2016, I’ll hit 500,000 views by spring time, hopefully sooner, but because of this, I’m going to transfer my site, into the other wordpress site. This will help me completely re-design the website and improve the look and add in more advertisements which will increase revenue. This all dawned on me in November and I guess that’s why, I binge-watched the entire series of the O.C in November. I tried to ignore everything and I guess since, I’m done the O.C, I guess its back to reality.

And this is the side of blogging, you don’t see. You don’t see the stress, you just see the blog posts and read it. But honestly, all of this stress makes life pretty interesting. I mean, I’m going to be 21 in 2016 with a website that’s grossing over 500,000 views! And everybody’s afraid of something, I guess, I just came to terms with my mine


From The 6ix,With Love

Thank You For Reading

Sincerely, Kid From The 6ix

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One comment on “Being Afraid Of Success Is A Very Real Feeling

  1. Pingback: 400,000 views in 497 days | kidfromthe6ix

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