Being Self Aware Is A Gift And A Curse

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Have you ever been in a room full of people and seen someone who was clearly upset because of a conversation that was going on, but nobody around you was noticing this? And you felt like, you were the only one realizing it? Have you ever felt like you were the only one around you that picked up on all these small little details? The truth is, I never really used to be like this, but I became this way. It all started in 2012.

In 2012, I was in high school. I was in my senior year. I remember one day my class went to the library for this thing called YM Reads. YM Reads was this thing that meant we all had to have a book to read in the morning for 15 minutes. Since, me and my classmates really didn’t have books in class in the previous YM Reads, my teacher booked the library for us, to check out books. I didn’t know it then, but this library trip would alter my life in such a big way.

I remember walking into the library, thinking about the fact that I really didn’t care about reading. I was just going to pick a book at random just to appease my teacher and sit quietly reading whatever book I grabbed, but something caught my eye. This green coloured book, called ‘Perks Of Being A Wallflower’ caught my attention. I had read somewhere that Emma Watson was going to star in the movie for the film, so I grabbed the book. Once I started reading it, I never put it down. After finishing the book, I felt like I was Charlie, the main protagonist in the novel.

After reading the novel, I realized, that I’m introverted and a little bit quiet just like Charlie and I observe the people around me. Most importantly though, the writing style in the book was incredible. It made me feel like the author was speaking to me or in the books case, it felt like Charlie was speaking to me. This book that I randomly just grabbed, changed my entire outlook on life, this book made me self-aware. Not to say, I wasn’t before, but I started to truly understand what It meant.

I started to understand myself better, I realized that being a writer wasn’t just a goal of mine, I realized that I really wanted to become a writer. I started observing the people around me more and started really wondering why they do the things, they do, like I was Charlie and this is where becoming self-aware became a curse.

Knowing yourself is one thing, but when your self-aware, it makes you more empathetic because you’re aware of what’s going on around you. This kind of made my final year of high school, a tad difficult, but it broadened my horizon on life more. I realized that people in my school were only doing the things they were doing, just to either fit in or just to go with the flow because it was easy that way. And for the life of me, even though I knew this, I could never keep my mouth shut. I was just way too self-aware to not talk about all the things that were going on. But being self-aware isn’t all that bad.

It can be a gift because being self-aware can make you incredibly focused. It can make you focused because you understand your strengths and your weakness. Being this way gives you a clear understanding of your own thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions. It allows you to understand other people and how these people see you from their own perspective.

‘Perks Of Being A Wallflower,’ inspired me enough in 2012 to start writing my own novel. In 2012,  I got as far as 10,000 words and 42 pages of my novel, but then I got hit with writers block and barely wrote again. A few years later, I’d out of nowhere, create this blog and finally start taking my writing career seriously.

That’s why being self-aware can be great, but on the flip side, seeing the people around you being so unaware is a terrible feeling. I’ve been in situations where someones been upset and nobody even sees it happening and then when people finally become aware, they say,“my bad, I didn’t know.” And I after they apologize, I can never understand how they weren’t aware enough in the first place to not know what was going on.

This makes me sometimes feel like, being ignorant can be bliss because I wouldn’t be feeling what someone else is feeling, but the truth is I’d rather have the burden than be ignorant. Ultimately, you have the power to decide how you handle being self-aware, it can be a gift and it can be a curse, but it’s really up to you.


From The 6ix,With Love

Thank You For Reading

Sincerely, Kid From The 6ix

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